The Sam's Club Freak Out.

There is a principal in business you usually learn on the first day. It goes kinda like this - if a customer has a good experience they might tell a couple people... but if a customer has a BAD experience they will tell about 10 people. I'm guessing that more than 10 people will read this so I'm totally getting my money's worth.

We are done with Sams Club and will not renew our membership.

No, I don't care about their alleged human rights violations or how they wont give their part time employees health coverage. I just don't like them. I think their service is bad, I don't like their stores, and frankly, I never fell for the "better living thru walmart/sams club" marketing thing. And personally I think Sam Walton has done more to ruin small towns in this country than anything else ever has.

We have been teetering on the brink of do we/don't we renew the membership for a while now - its a long drive, the club renewal is about $40, and the prices arent even very good anymore. 

Right now the prices at Meijer are almost on par for what we buy at Sams...and if we just buy stuff at our local Giant Eagle grocery store not only do we get "gas perks" but the stores are closer and we have a better section.

The other day made the decision for us.

My husband, The Big Man, has had a business membership with them for over 10 years. I got added about a year ago (you can add one person for free - whoever you want) just in case we got separated and I ended up going without him (rarely happens).  I never carry the card tho because we are usually together. Sometimes I pay, sometimes he pays, we never even notice and normally its not a problem.

So just like normal, the other day we went and loaded up a cart and went to check out. He gave them his club card and I swiped my credit card. The checker asked to see my credit card. I gave it to her. She compared my personal credit card to the business Sam's Club card.

She: "It doesnt match"

"Well, my name is not "Mother's Cluckers Eggs-n-More Farm." I politely replied.

"But it has to match." She insisted.

Now I was insisting, "It does match, " I pointed to my husband, "It matches HIS name which is on the business account, same last name, same address, do you want my drivers license?"

Then she gave me that "You aren't a member you're just trying to get our cheap cat food" look.

And thats when it went down hill.

Honestly, I usually let things go. I don't terrorize servers at restaurants, I don't mind being in the trainee line at the bank, I'll sit quietly while it takes you 13 minutes to get in your car and get settled before you drive away from the only available gas pump...really there's not much that sets me off. I don't usually even care if you call me names. 

Call me childish and immature and I'll just mock you, call me fat/short/ugly/stinky and I'll probably just laugh, call me stupid and I'll probably just sneer while silently engineering a way to humiliate you in a room full of people.... but call me a thief and act like I'm trying to rip you off?

Them's fightin' words.

Now I might be short, have chicken poop on my shoes, and smell vaguely like goat pee... but I know more about credit card verification than most folks. So I know the issue wasn't about the credit card, or the processing, or that the club card needed to match the name on the credit card for it to work.

Since we used to go to Sam's club every couple of weeks and use his club card, my credit card I was sure it wasn't a Sam's Club system issue.

And my shiny platinum card with a fat credit limit wasn't anywhere near being maxed out.

So what we had here was Policy Polly - the Rules Nazi. That's right - "No soup for you!"

People like "Polly" and I rarely get along because usually its someone with a "big fish in a small pond" syndrome and for whatever reason - who knows why - I tend to get under the skin of people who think they are the boss of me.

And she just really got sideways with me with that crappy look.

So I got belligerent and loudly asked if I "really had to go all the way across the store and get a temporary card from customer service when I was trying to check out with MY husband when ALL THESE PEOPLE WERE STANDING HERE IN LINE?"

From somewhere a manager came running. I think she was about 12 years old.

She took one look at me (seething) and my husband (huge big redneck) turned and ran away.

Policy Polly said she'd go and get my membership verified.

We waited.

She came back and said it would be a few minutes because....

And that's when it happened.

The Big Man freaked out.

Not in the Steve Martin from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles in the car rental place freak out - but for him it was pretty bad. Without a doubt he is the most slow-to-wrath person I've ever met. For heavens sakes he puts up with me and I cant even bait him into a fight.

Poor Policy Polly chose the wrong time, the wrong day, and the wrong redneck to get all "no soup for you" on... especially when the checkout pad was flashing "Do you want to upgrade your membership?"

I think most of the store was holding their breath when he got to the part about making sure I had the amount credited back to my card.

Polly verily flew over that check stand to get the charge backed out of the system.

Our sad cart of cat food sat there forlorn and abandoned as he stormed out of the store with me trailing after him, running, trying to keep up.

We got to the truck and looked at each other.

And then we went to the Sam's Club gas station when we used HIS club card and MY credit card to fill up one last time before we drove away giving Sam Walton the finger.

Smell ya later, Sams...and no, we do not want to upgrade our membership.

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