On being falsely accused of buying magic beans.

So there I was. I had to go somewhere last weekend and it was kind of a long drive. I was running around trying to get my act together when I remembered that someone ran all the gas out of our zippy little, new-to-us car.

"Honey!" I yelled, "Quick! Gimme some gas money!"

He looked at my dubiously, wise to my ways,  and handed me a crisp, new $20 bill. "For gas." He said, "Gas. Use it for gas. G-A-S."

I snatched it out of his hand and ran off with a, "Yeah, whateve's." And then I drove off fast. I went and did what I had to do.

Much later in the day we both piled into the car to go somewhere entirely different...

"Bah!" He yelled, "Why isn't there any gas in the car! What did you do with all that money I gave you?"

I looked innocent and shrugged. He wasn't buying it and he continued his tirade.

"What did you do with that money? Buy magic beans?"

I just continued to look innocent and wide eyed like I had no idea what he was talking about. I honestly didn't know how to respond. It wasn't like it was ALL that money.. it was only $20. Plus I had other expenses. I mighta bought gas... or something else entirely.

In my defense, there are in fact, two perfect places in the state of Ohio to get the chicken buffet. The gold standard being, of course, Mrs. Yoders. The second is Ben & Joy's out in Mount Sterling. They don't even have a link or anything. Just show up hungry and wearing your fat pants. Make sure you get the pie.

But the third.... the third most perfect place to get the chicken buffet is Goodwin's in Circleville. And there I found myself on the horns of a dilemma. Sure the car needed gas, but I needed chicken more.

I went in prepared for battle. I see the chicken buffet as some kind of personal test. All you can eat? Challenge accepted.

I destroyed that buffet. I took no prisoners. They had to bring more chicken out from the kitchen. I don't make rookie mistakes like filling up on stupid salad or bread... oh no... when I go for chicken - I go for chicken. That buffet didn't stand a chance.

After a while the waitresses started standing back in wonderment. They they started taking bets. Then they started hoping I would leave. But I wasn't done yet.

There was a guy there who was also working his way thru the buffet. He looked like the kind of guy who could eat a lot of chicken. He turned out to be some kind of casual. I lapped him. Twice. I was not messing around.

Then at last I sat with the bones of mine enemy piled high in front of me on an extra plate. I nodded my victory... and then I went back for apple cobbler with ice cream. Cuz, you know, you gotta get your money's worth, right?

That is how I found myself being falsely accused of buying magic beans. Magic beans my patootie, I ate every chicken in that room.

The Big Man harrumphed his discontent. 

It got worse.

So much, much later I wasn't hungry at all. I mean, who could be? My husband that's who. I struggled for a dinner idea that required the least amount of effort due to me being still a little chicken drunk. Nachos. That's easy, right? I went to find the ingredients.

Wouldn't you know it. Not one can of beans. Not one - magic or otherwise.

The Big Man glared at me over his beanless nachos. It was very sad.

I wasn't sad tho. I didn't have to eat for the next two days either. I know someone who is lucky enough to go to Mrs. Yoders this weekend. I can't go but soon.... very soon I will find a reason to drive up there. And that buffet won't stand a chance either.

Happy Wednesday everyone! Have you been falsely accused of buying magic beans? Did you instead eat every chicken in that room?


note: Game of Thrones nerds click here for that scene. Descent folks should not click on it..and if you do, for heavens sakes, turn your sound down so you don't get in trouble.