Three Things

Due to mature content, tender viewers may choose to turn aside...

Here are three things I thought I'd never witness in my lifetime:

1.  The late night, behind closed doors sale of Washington Mutual Bank (rest in peace, old girl).

2. Me, laying awake at night wondering if it was time to get up yet so I could fry myself up some pork jowl that not only did smoke myself...but I helped butcher the pig it came from.  In my yard.

3. A couple of Amish Girls Gone Wild thumping along in their buggy blaring rap music.

I'm not kidding.

Over the weekend we spent the day in Amish country at a livestock swap and eating as much fried chicken as humanly possible. It was great – both the swap and the chicken.

But when we stopped at a family run, roadside stand to buy some rhubarb I looked up only briefly when I heard the window-shaking rap expecting to find some rural-urban-wannabe's in a rusted out Pinto... but what I saw when I did a double take was an Amish buggy thumpity-thump-thumpin' down the road. Even Ol' GlueFactory, the horse, was bobbin' his head.

I have to confess it wasn't the weirdest thing I saw that day, but I just never expected that. Of course, it makes me want to rap myself. Like I did here.

Spin Master Dogg E. Dogg and Bigg E. Ti... spin that turntable and drop that beat....

Hey! Ho!
Any Mennonite in house!?
Hey Ho! Here. We. Go...

So I got in my car and I drove real far
Down thru the hills to the Amish city
I ate a dozen fried pies and my fingers got sticky

(wikiwikiwiki thumpity thump thump...)

I saw a camel for sale
And with out fail
Saw a mullet-wearin' fool
Out there buyin' some tools
The seller got paid
And the Amish gals got....

*edited for explicit content*

A note from the censors: This rap, altho commonly played in Amish country by rebellious little Am-lettes out hot roddin' it around in their buggies, is inappropriate for the family audience frequented by readers of Adventures In The Good Land. We thank you for your sense of humor and promise to provide more family-friendly, farm-oriented programming in the future.
- The Management