The
scene: A short, somewhat unkempt woman in a dirty shirt and a bad
ponytail walked out onto a stage. A single spotlight illuminated her in the darkness.
She was holding in her arms a small gray and white cat with wide
green eyes and little, white Mickey Mouse paws. She stopped center
stage and the cat jumped down, sat himself down at her feet, and
wrapped his tail around his paws. He looked up to the woman and
nodded.
“Thank
you, Little Mo, and thank you all – friends – for coming. I know
that yesterday's post was a shock and I wanted to tell you all what
is going on.”
“First,
thank you all for your well wishes and kind words. We have received
some very, very bad news and are reeling from what we found out and what is going to
happen.”
“I spent the whole day Friday
at the OSU Veterinary Hospital with My Most
Excellent Good Dog, Titan. It did not go well. Two extremely
knowledgeable and kind doctors confirmed what my own vet told me the
previous Monday. Ti has been diagnosed with the very worst kind of bone
cancer, osteosarcoma. This is extremely aggressive and fast moving.
They said by the time it presents like this it is already too late.”
“There
is no treatment and there is no cure. The only thing we can do is
treat his pain until it becomes unmanageable. This will be Titan's end.
The doctors there said that he has “a few weeks” until it becomes
unmanageable. We reviewed all of the options and the hard truth is,
there are no options but pain management.”
“When
you get a puppy, folks tell you that large dogs - especially some
breeds - don't live very long....and you think, 'Well, ten years is a
pretty long life.' But then the time passes very quickly and then
before you know it you are told that your most beloved good dog will
not live to see his eleventh birthday. It has been a terrible shock.”
“For
now Titan is OK. But I am not. He has the right meds so that is
helpful but his decline has already been sharp and steep. He, of course, has
no idea what is going on other than I am extremely upset, I keep
giving him treats, and he can't play ball like we normally do. He is
also sick of my hovering around and giving him worried looks. The
rest of the pack is on edge so we are trying very hard to have a normal
routine and have regular days.”
“So
why did I write that story if Ti is still with us? Because this is
the final post of Adventures in the Good Land. My blog will end
today.”
“I
think it's weird when people just stop blogging so I feel like I owe
you all at least an explanation and a proper goodbye. With everything
going on with Ti, I honestly cannot think about anything else right
now.”
“I
also wanted Ti to be remembered as I see him, as a hero on our
'battlefield' - the both of us slaying foes and doing the best we
can for the farm. I wanted him to be remembered in all his glory and
valor. I wanted to have that picture of him to carry with me....and not
as him dying in my arms as we lovingly send him to his final rest. I
wanted you all to know him how I see him and I wanted you all to know
that he is going on ahead of me. I wanted you to know how he changed me as a person and how much he changed my life.”
“Even tho I spend so much time talking about the details of our days, in real life I am an intensely private person.
Most of you will not even know when Ti passes. So I wanted to give him
one last glorious tribute because I don't think I can do it after
he is gone. So that is why I wrote the story now, while he is still
at my feet.”
“Yesterday
was the first day that felt like fall here. It feels like the turning
of the page and it feels like the right time to end my blog of our
life here. I started this blog as our own record keeping... but then
it turned into me teaching folks about farming. We have acquired a
huge body of knowledge here and I'm glad that I could share it with
you.”
“In a
million years I never thought anyone would read this or care about
our life. But you did and I thank you most heartily for your
friendship. I have loved to watch you all start projects, begin your
farm, try new things...and best of all – to be able to cheer you
on. My greatest satisfaction is watching you all be successful in
your efforts. Thank you for letting me be part of that. I have
enjoyed letting you all come along as we all figured this out
together.”
“But
my grief for Ti is my own and is not for others to watch. I cannot
talk about it or share his decline. The most respectful thing I can
do for such a proud and noble dog is leave you with the memory of him
being robust and full of life.”
“Of
course, there is more.”
“Earlier
in the year I felt like things were beginning to change. I didn't
know what it was but I felt like we had to start preparing for
changes. Big changes. It felt like how it was when I was getting
ready to leave my old life. I recognized that feeling and so we have
been preparing ourselves.. We've been trying to figure out what is
going to happen next and getting ready for that next big thing.”
“The
next big thing is that we are moving. We are ending our time here at
the farm, packing up some kind of Noah's Arc (not ark but arc as in “story line arc”)
to transport our cats and dogs, and heading out for the Land Where They
Don't Have Winter.”
“Both
my husband and I had that moment last winter when we just couldn't
take the snow and the cold and the ice one more second. We realized that we are not tied here for
any reason. We can go anywhere and do anything...and so we are.”
“We
started reaching out, started wondering, started trying to see if we
could make it work... and miraculously all the points lined up. Quite
unexpectedly, and entirely surprisingly.... it looks like it is all
going to come together in a way that we could not have believed or
planned. But it is all happening in the very best way.”
“Nothing
is set in stone right now but the momentum of the thing is picking
up. Unexpected turning of events, a few “just so happened”, a
couple of “right places and right times” are all weaving together
a new story for us...and we are eager to get going.”
“Are
we giving up? Selling out? Quitting? Nope. We love our life. We just
want to do it where we can enjoy the entire year and not be stuck
inside cursing the snow and ice. We think that is entirely
reasonable. You see, we are actually ten years into a five year plan.
We thought that being here was going to be short term but we actually
ended up being trapped here when the economy turned. But we adapted,
pivoted, dug deep and made this work. Gladly.”
“The
best thing that happened during that time was that my husband got a
CDL (commercial drivers license) and now we really can go anywhere
and live where ever we want. He can also drive a huge greyhound style
bus that has been converted into an RV-like dog and cat ark. So that
is what we are doing. Why not? There are other adventures out there
and we are going to find them.”
“So
why not continue the story? Document our journey and The Long Drive
with an unnatural number of cats and dogs in a huge bus?”
“Because
my heart is broken and I cannot carry the burden of thinking about
anything else except for my beloved Good Dog. I don't know if he will
make the trip with us... in all likelihood he will not. While there
is a poetic beauty to knowing that he will only ever know the farm
and working with me outside and leading our pack... I simply cannot
do this right now. The idea of writing about him after he is gone
just breaks me. So that is why I wrote our final Adventure Tail .and
that is why I am closing down the blog. ”
“For
those of you who like to be in touch, I will mostly be offline. I
need to concentrate on shutting down this part of our life. But most
importantly, I need to take care of my Good Dog. My people are not
given to grand shows of emotion or public displays. We don't even cry
in public. So privately, respectfully, I will tend to my most
beloved, most faithful, most valiant companion. And when it is time,
I will not fail him. I will continue to praise God for providing me
with such a wonderful friend and thank Him for all the time that Ti
and I have spent together.”
“My
Most Excellent Good Dog, Titan Wolfgang Maximus Big Bear. My Right
Hand. The First in Command. The Other Half of My Sky. That day we
randomly went to look at puppies... he picked me. He.picked.me. I
have never been so thankful for anything in my life.”
“Thank
you all, friends, for your well wishes and prayers. Thank you for our
time together.”
The
single spotlight fades to black.
The End.
Editor's Note: Thank you, everyone, for your kind words.