Ohiofarmgirl's Adventures in The Good Land is largely a fish out of water tale about how I eventually found my footing on a small farm in an Amish town. We are a mostly organic, somewhat self sufficient, sustainable farm in Ohio. There's action and adventure and I'll always tell you the truth about farming.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

An April Fool's Day delivery - no joke!

Under the heading of "there are two kinds of people....."  You are either gonna snicker immaturely at this or wonder, "What is so funny?" If you are the latter, than bless you, good and decent person... you are a rose among thorns. The rest of you sons-o'-golly-whats.... well. You know who you are. Shame on all y'all for your impure thoughts.

Isn't Bubby so handsome in his new collar?

Friday happened to be April Fools Day. I don't particularly like that whole concept but whatever. I was also expecting a package so I was keeping an eye out for the new delivery guy. I had ordered some cleaning products and a new dog collar for Zander. No big deal, right?

So the delivery guy - who is new - snuck in for a drive-by instead of honking for me. I suspect this was because the last time he showed up we mighta scared the crap out of him. You know in the cartoons when someone comes around the corner carrying packages and is startled? And they stop short and throw the packages up in the air? Yeah well, he pretty much did that last time he was here when he was greeted by the Dog Horde and their Mouth and Teeth Show.

"Just leave the packages there, honey." I called to him over the barking dogs. He did and then drove away as fast as he could.  That guy will be very glad when we finally get delivery drones to come to our house.

So that's why we are now getting sneak deliveries.

Zander gets to wear the 'good dog necklace' while Titan is in a snit. Dogs.

So Friday, me and the dogs went outside when we finally saw there was a package hastily tossed over the gate. It was here! Finally! My cleaning products and the new dog collar! I was gleeful as we all ran out there.....

...until I realized that my April Fool's Day delivery was an extra large, heavy duty choke collar....and a feather duster.

My steps slowed as my mortification grew...... "Oh my." I thought. We are good and decent people. We don't tend toward shenanigans. We lead a rather monastical life. We don't even have cable. There in front of me lay the box...of what could be considered ..... something untoward.

I urgently felt a need to explain my purchases to Amazon. Then the sinking feeling really hit - what kind of ads was I going to get now? What mail list would I be added to? What exactly would my movie recommendations be based on... based on that particular combination of items.


As it was my purchases were entirely respectable. A pal had recommended the duster to help with all this dog dust that gets all over the house...and Zander needed a new collar. That was it. No shenanigans here. The dog gets the collar and no one's fancy is getting tickled. It is for cleaning.

As I stood in my embarrassment the dogs were hopping around wondering what we got so I ripped the box open right there in the drive way. As expected Zander immediately bit the fluffy end of the duster. Believe me, in this house full of predators I'm making sure it always gets put away. Nicholas also has his eye out to kill that thing.

The dogs all gathered round while I took the collar out of the box. They all began hopping from foot to foot. They all knew it was a "good dog necklace" - the only question was who got to wear it.

We don't collar anyone here - not the dogs, goats, or cats. We think it is unnecessary, can be dangerous, and is largely ineffective. But what if I have to grab someone? Son, if anyone is so out of control that I have to snatch you up - then it's gonna be by the hide - and you and me are gonna have a problem. Everyone knows this. We don't have any issues with this. At all.

Also, when they were little Kai and Zander figured out that a collar was just a handle to grab your opponent by and throw them to the ground. We gave up trying to make that work. The only time the collar comes out is when someone gets to go somewhere. They were all very excited - some lucky dog was going to go in the car with me!

Recently I've been taking Kai down to the local dog park - she loves it. We put on her harness and a collar and we do laps around the park. We are doing this for a couple different reasons - including that the walking path is flat so it's easy on my wonky hip. Being stuck inside for winter had driven me nuts and walking around our uneven property was not working at all. So we found a fun park for us to walk laps. It's good exercise for everyone.

We also want to teach the dogs something new. Smart dogs need to be kept on their toes so this is a great skill to teach them.  Kai is doing great and has become a celebrity down in the park. The older folks like to oooohh and aaaah over her and want to hear about her progress in "learning something new." Kai is perfect in her "heel" and happily trots along side me like a pro.

I've been wanting to take Zander for park walks too but we didn't have a collar big enough for him. What about his working dog harness? He wears that also - but the collar is so I can keep him pointed in the right direction. It's how I steer him.

However, I couldn't find a collar big enough for him locally so I ordered one from Amazon. (Since someone is going to ask this is it.) I fished the collar out of the box and held it up for all to see - the dogs fixed their eyes on it and all looked as demure as possible hoping they would be lucky enough to get the 'good dog necklace.'

Then there commenced the slow motion big dog shoving match to determine who got to wear the collar. In the end Titan won the rights to wear the 'good dog necklace'... and he promptly went and pounded on Zander. After a scolding everyone took up their position in the dog parade, led by Ti, into the house. Ti went and laid on the best bed while everyone else glared. Eventually they all got a turn to wear the 'good dog necklace.'

Yesterday was Zander's big day. We put on his new collar and then he hopped right in the car. We drove down to the park and he did the walk like a champ. By the time we got home, tho, he was exhausted and pretty much slept all day. Little does he know that he is going to be my new running buddy.

Happy Tuesday everyone! Did you get an April Fool's Day package? Were they completely innocent - just a dog collar and cleaning supplies? Did you feel the need to explain your purchases to Amazon? Will anyone actually believe you?

Editors note: Sorry to interrupt a funny post - but I need to tell you that there are affiliate links on this page.....and that I get a tiny portion of the sale when you click on one of the links, go to the Amazon page, and purchase something. It can be anything - books, movies, or something you need from Amazon anyway.  Do you need anything Amazon? You can support this blog by just clicking one of these links. Or using the black Amazon search box on the right side of this page. It doesn't cost you once cent more but helps me with the "cost" of this blog. If you like this blog, or if I've helped you at all in your farming efforts, just make a purchase from Amazon from one of the links, my store, or the black Amazon search box on the right side of this page. Thanks!


Vera said...

We gave up with putting dog collars on our two rottweillers because, like your dogs did, they used them to flip each other on to the ground. I miss dog walking,....Boolie is getting too old, and the two rotties are a handful together, but I might take up your example and start walking them on their own.

Anonymous said...

omg...you're killing me. Please make sure to share those new "lists" you get put on. And that Bubby could wear a potato sack and be the most handsomest boy ever!!

Ohiofarmgirl said...

Vera - your rotties will probably do better on walks individually. we dont think we'd walk our Horde or even two at a time. a very smart dog trainer one time told me that dogs, especially littermates/siblings, react very differently when they are together than if they are alone. give sweet Boolie a smooch from me!

oh geez, Cat, i'm living in terror at looking at whatever spam i'm going to get.. bah!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...