Ohiofarmgirl's Adventures in The Good Land is largely a fish out of water tale about how I eventually found my footing on a small farm in an Amish town. We are a mostly organic, somewhat self sufficient, sustainable farm in Ohio. There's action and adventure and I'll always tell you the truth about farming.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Prayer For A Traveler

"Oh Lord... thank you for getting me home...."

Within minutes of my plane touching down I verily threw myself down on this Good Land and kissed it. I escaped, once more, from civilization. No traveler was happier to get home to this funny little farm than yours truly. It was ridiculous. Those people are mad.

And not just crazy, I am here to tell you they are mad. All of them. Mad and angry and scold-y. You'd think they'd be happy. That part of the world has largely escaped the economic hardship that the rest of us labor under. Out there money falls like leaves from trees and washes up on the beaches like seaweed.  Those folks have everything they could possibly want.  But they are, by and large, very unhappy. Or at least that's what you'd think based on their behavior.

My country bumpkin-ness was apparent by the foolish way I tried to smile and be friendly. Apparently I walked too slow and I didn't get out of my parking spot fast enough for that expensively shod, luxury SUV driving nitwit. She slammed her "truck" in reverse and hit ramming speed before I could even pull out. For heavens sakes, you'd think if she wanted that spot so bad she would have put down her phone and let me out. I can't make any excuses for the dimwit who parked, I am not exaggerating, an inch off my bumper so they wouldn't have to walk that extra 15 feet from that other parking spot just across the street. I wished for my big truck so I coulda just rolled right over that little "car," such as it was. 

Pretty quickly the shine wore off of that big city penny.  I drove around giving out imaginary tickets for Driving While Self Absorbed, eating an inhuman amount of (very expensive) french pastries, and randomly yelling "I drive a big work truck and butcher pigs in my yard" just to shock 'em, y'all. Then I told them to triple bag my groceries in plastic just to watch their eyes roll back in their heads. I didnt recycle. On purpose.

You don't wanna know what happened when I got into a lively little debate about varmint killin' - I guess some of them folks are too tenderhearted to hear about how I lined the fence posts with pelts as a warning. Before they could burst into tears I told them that living in the peaceable kingdom was "all fairy dust and rainbow farts" until you go out and find some vixen running off with your favorite duck. There were some tears. Not mine.

I dared them to say one thing to me about how farming was bad for their environment  - just so's I could tell them that the carbon footprint of our pork equaled to the amount of gas used by our old tractor to drag them pig carcasses up the hill. I had hoped to make them spit up their out of season, grown-in-Chile nectarine on their expensive Italian leather shoes - you know, just for the irony of the whole thing.

The lowest moment.... realizing the "Johnny Cab" I was riding in was..... a Prius.

Of course, there were some bright spots. My BFF was completely generous with her time and drove me around to the best coffee houses. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in a while, and of course my hosts reminded me, in a hundred tiny ways, how much I loved them.

I came home to a tail waggin' good time to find The Bubby is now almost as tall as Kai. The cats even sauced out to say they hadn't noticed I was gone...that much.  And there is nothing new to report with Nibbles.

We'll be back in the fracas now that the dust has settled off my traveling shoes. But for now I'm just gonna sit here, enjoy the fire, and say to myself, "There's no place like home... there's no place like home..."

Happy Wednesday everyone! Don't think for a second you're missing anything in civilization.  If you haven't done it lately, run right out and kiss the ground that sustains you.  Praise God for our life, for this Good Land, and all of the living things has make up our little world.  Amen and amen.


freemotion said...

Welcome home! What a relief to be home....I live right smack in the middle of "civilization" and can't wait to get home every single day. My front yard is on a busy road near a shopping center, but my back yard.....heaven!

darius said...

That's just how I feel when I visit major, affluent cities out of my region.

"all fairy dust and rainbow farts"...
I LOVE it!

JeffJustJeff said...

I still have to drive to the Big City every day to work. It makes one angry. So few show any consideration for their fellow man. I can feel my blood pressure lowering as I head back to the seclusion of my little farm in the valley. I yearn for the day that I won't have to leave :-)

Ohiofarmgirl said...

You said it, Free, home is where the goats are...for sure.

Thanks Darius, can you believe we used to be part of that mess?

JJJ - dontcha think everyone would be a little kinder if they had some chickens? Or something? One day you'll be like me and the thought of going 'off farm' will chill you to the bones.

Carolyn said...

I too, have this realization after coming back from my almost-yearly trips to Chicago. And after about five minutes of landing there, I remember exactly why it is we left.
Glad you're back home safe & sound!

Beth of the Rocks said...

Sheesh, you went on vacation - to the city!!!?! I was thinking you just had to go for some necessary [evil hahaha] shopping! Although come to think of it, where DO people who live in the country go for vacation.

I guess the ocean. And ocean people go, well, I couldn't say who would want to leave the ocean. (I did, sigh, but it's too expensive for me...).

So glad you survived! When I start farting rainbows I'll let ya know, maybe there'll be golden nuggets bwah hahahahaha.


Kim D. said...

I drive into "the City" to work 5 days a week and then return home to "the farm". My peers don't understand why I "live that far away from city life and aren't you scared to live out there??"

Of course I tell them about man-eating raccoons and such just to keep them in the city. Can't have them spoiling my country life....

Dreaming of Chickens said...

Welcome home OFG! I've been look'n for your posts and you haven't been around, so I thought maybe you had come down here to New Orleans for Mardi Gras!! It was yesterday ya know. Have you ever been to New Orleans? Anyway, glad you made it back safe and sound, but I guess it's good to remind yourself every now and then what it's like out there! Makes you love home a little more.

Unknown said...

From one farm girl to another...looking for support on this project. Figured you could appreciate...thanks much!

Click on ths link..


David said...

Knee deep "in that mess" but plotting my escape

Ruth Trowbridge said...

Amen sista! peace

Ohiofarmgirl said...

Thanks Carolyn.. arent you always just glad to be home?

Hey Beth! You gotta watch out for those rainbow farts for sure. ha!

Kim, you do NOT want them city folks moving in! They let their dogs run loose, complain about your rooster, and then get mad cuz they can smell your compost. Sheesh!

DOC, nope have not been to The Big Easy.. but I hear there is a lot of drinkin' there so maybe some year. ;-)

hey Deb - I just found out about this fund raising thing - good luck on your goal!

Just keep swimmin', Dave, you'll get out soon!

Thanks Ruth, amen and amen.

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