Ohiofarmgirl's Adventures in The Good Land is largely a fish out of water tale about how I eventually found my footing on a small farm in an Amish town. We are a mostly organic, somewhat self sufficient, sustainable farm in Ohio. There's action and adventure and I'll always tell you the truth about farming.

Monday, December 3, 2012


Without a doubt he is the ugliest thing our barnyard has ever seen. Meet SnaggleHorn.

SnaggleHorn. He's ugly. Real ugly.

Turns our ThunderNuts was the worst $50 I've ever spent. We don't think he was as old as the folks said and he definitely was not mature or anywhere near it. After standing around this whole time waiting for him to get interested in the ladies I finally got mad and gave up. There was no thunder in his nuts at all. We finally couldn't wait any longer.

So we took the ladies to the breeder - a spectacular mini buck who threw flashy kids and award winning milkers. That didn't work either. We drove Debbie all the way up there twice. She wasn't interested at all in that buck at all. Nibbles however, thought he was great. Its a sad day when Nibbles is our best goat.

Debbie gave him a lot of kisses.

The jury is still out of Dahli - we should know within about a week. She didn't particularly think that mini buck was too bad... but you know... we have to see if that guy was Too Short or Just Tall Enough.  The mini buck was much much taller than Too Short and you'll recall that Too Short got the job done. So here is hoping.

With the breeding season quickly coming to a close we were running out of options. And there was Debbie. Out there in full heat on Friday. And no guarantee that Dahli was bred. So we took drastic measures. Extreme measures. Measures I would not take in normal time. But since Debbie didn't freshen last year this was her last chance. Her very last chance... if you take my meaning.

And snuggles. She calls him SnuggleHorn. I call him "Get off my fence you ugly ape!"

I knew someone who knew someone who had a buck. Apparently he was the last damn buck in all of Ohio. We drove four counties over to find the ugliest, stankiest, rankest buck that ever lived. He had some fancy name. We're calling him SnaggleHorn.

The seller was horrified at our lack of interest in SnaggleHorn's pedigree and paperwork. Being polite I thanked them and shoved the papers in my pocket. We really aren't Dairy Goat Association kind of people. If we had a herd name it would be "I Wish They Were Cows."  The last time I saw the pedigree paperwork Nicholas was chewing on it. Lets just say when he's done here - the place where SnagleHorn is going isn't interested in his paperwork either. They are just interested in the price per pound. I say no more on this.

By the time we got home we had used half our gas, all our money, wasted most of the day, and I was on my very last good damn nerve. I dragged his ugly ass right out of the truck and past the howling delights of the Dog Horde. Debbie saw us coming from a distance and ran to the fence and starting hopping around. SnaggleHorn walked a little faster. Then faster still. By the time we got to the gate he was dragging my ass right along with him. I got the gate open just in time for love.

Debbie LOVED him. I guess she just doesn't like short guys. But this big buck made her heart go pitter pat. I watched as much as I could. They got their business taken care of, lets just say that.

Then everything went downhill. Turns out SnaggleHorn hates me. Granted the feeling is mutual. As a result of his demonstrated malice toward me, he now hates the dog too. The dog thinks he's delicious and a lot of fun. I'll write another post soon called "Never Bring A Goat To A Dog Fight."

We are not set up to have a buck here - let alone one that keeps charging me whenever I get near the fence. Or tries to get over the fence. So we are shuffling all the goats around. It looks like I'll be doing more fencing today trying to get everyone sorted out. We have to keep SnaggleHorn for about 3 weeks to make sure Debbie "took."  Its like one of those Chinese puzzles - Nibbles can't be with the buck, Debbie can't be with Dahli, and SnaggleHorn has to be somewhere so I can work in the barnyard.

Thundernuts....now called Peanut.... is actually making himself useful. He and Dahli are teamed up in the turkey house. They spend their days snuggling, having tea parties, and watching Desperate Housewives.

So that's the long and short of it. Who knows what is going to happen today. Wish me luck, friends. I could end up in a heap run down by the ugliest buck this side of the Mississippi... or not having to buy dog food for a month. Anything can happen. I'll keep my butcher knives sharp, and a watchful eye on SnaggleHorn , just in case.


Aly said...

He is gorgeous!! and he's a chocolate!! You found a chocolate buck! I am without a doubt 100% JEALOUS that you got a chocolate buck!

You're going to have some gorgeous skip popping kids come spring!

Heavens Door Acres said...

Oh, buck heaven...or hell as it were. I do know where you are standing with that. I can see those hounds now....standing face to face with that big buck...and the Colonel saying...." Dude, you have something on your head, stand still, let me get that for ya" Be careful with that big guy....I hope your gals um...find love.

Carolyn said...

Amazing that sometimes you can't GIVE a buck away (I traded my Purebred, blah-blah-blah Nigerian Dwarf for two stinking 50# bags of corn), but when you NEED one, like you said, you have to drive practically cross-country to get one of the bastards. I HATED Pan (the one I traded for maize), and now the new Boer buck is starting to challenge me. I will NOT tolerate an animal that challenges MY authority here on the farm. I think it's high time you and I got ourselves one of these:


I'm asking Santa for one this year. That is, if I haven't put a piece of lead in the Boer buck's cranium yet.

Traci Sumner said...

I'm praying that it took with Knuckles (you know, the PG version of $#%@&#&). It was the happiest day of my life when the buck I got for free (always be wary of free - because he was really an A$$) drove out of here in a little trailer and they paid me for him!!!!!!! Suckers! Ah, I hope it works out with their goat.

lorihadams said...

WOW....sorry about all your breeding woes. I am lucky that I can take my girls back to the lady I bought them from, pick out a beautiful buck, and leave them there for a month. I go pick up my girls next week. Hopefully they are pregnant and much calmer than when I took them up there. We can't have a buck here either. He looks interesting...what kind of goat is snagglehorn anyway?

Anton said...

Funny! I've been having quite the time getting my 4 does bred this year. I don't keep a buck either so I drive them to a breeder 1.5hrs away (one-way). The first buck they were all bred to turned out to be too young and they all came back into heat. I got some of them bred but then two others came into heat again on Thanksgiving day and I wasn't about to make the drive. I hope they come back in later this month. Ah, goat breeding!


Chai Chai said...

The ceremony didn't take long, yet the heat and smoke from the greasy fire burned Nicholas' eyes.

The crippled crone, a one eyed almost blind hen chanted the incantation and it seemed to take. Snagglehorn's will was subverted, he was under the control of another - one who was a mortal enemy of OFG.

It was easy once Nicholas found "Snagglehorn's" true name, a task made much easier by OFG's casual disregard of his secret paperwork.

In the courtyard one moment Snagglehorn was carousing with his "harem" and the next his eyes rolled back as the spirit of Fred took control of his body.

Warmaster Titan immediately felt the presence of his old nemesis and only his quick reflexes saved OFG from Snagglehorn's (Fred)charge.

Watching on high from the safety of one of the Keeps arrow ports Nicholas laughed softly. "This should be a humorous three weeks!"

Chai Chai said...

Little Mo was totally out of breath from running up the stairs of the Keep to report the news to Nicholas.

"Nicholas, huh...huh...gasp..."

"What is it Mo?"

"You....won't believe.....it, there is a strange looking unicorn in the courtyard!"

"Thanks Mo, that will be all!" Nicholas slapped a paw to his forehead and shook his head. "Note to self, Little Mo is no genius" he muttered to himself.

Anonymous said...

"wish they were cows" oh my, i laughed so hard / spewed coffee out my nose. my first comment, but long time reader. thanks for making my day :) - Cheri in WA

Misty Pines Homestead said...

Sounds like a goat Peyton Place lol
I can't hardly believe ya'll couldn't find a male goat closer wow it took you a whole day just to get him.I guess male goats aren't in the market these days.

Ohiofarmgirl said...

Thanks Aly! I'm just glad that Debbie liked him.

Ha! HDA, Col Ti thinks he's the best thing ever. And yeah, I'm keeping my distance.

Isn't that weird, Carolyn!?!! And yeah I've considered a shock stick but I'm afraid I'll drop it in a mud puddle and shock myself! *thud* Until then my beatin' stick - or an axe handle - works really well.

I can't wait until this guy rides away into the sunset, Traci....ugh!

Hi Lori! Great to see you! He's a La Mancha - just like Dahli and Debbie.

Anton, almost everyone I know is having trouble this year. Even the pro breeders/herd masters that I know. We think its the hot weather from this summer. All the goaties are having weird heat cycles. So frustrating. And yeah after the 2nd time of our long drive up to the breeder we figure it was cheaper to buy a buck! For heavens sakes!

Chai Chai - OHMIGOSH IT IS FRED! *runs to the door yells, "Fred! is that you, Fred!? I love you Fred!"
And Little Mo is a genius.... for so many reasons. ;-)

Hi Cheri! And glad you pitched in... I spend whole days wishing them goats were cows.... every. dang. day. *sigh* One day I'll have enough pasture and a cow to put in it.

AnnNF - its totally crazy this year. Its so late in the season that many of the bucks are um.. that is.. being sold by the pound at the ethnic markets. No one wants to overwinter another critter with these hay prices. Just ridiculous.

Unknown said...

Pretty color! Well atleast he knows what to "do" :)

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