Sometimes I get weird, slightly unkind remarks from people about my life. Or I should say, what they think my life is like. It's like they are mad at me and I should never complain about my "easy" life. I assure you the reality is much different from the imagined fairy tale life people dream up. Take this for instance......
Note to my husband on the fridge this morning.
It reads, "There might be a mostly dead possum by the front door. If he is faking it plz shoot him. Might be all dead. ps Don't kiss the dogs *smiley face* *heart*"
When I got up this morning there was $20 by my car keys. I honestly don't know if that is supposed to be a bounty or if my husband thinks I should get a new hobby.
There was no sad, single gunshot this morning at 4 in the AM.
That possum wasn't faking it.
This... this... my friends, is not the glamorous life that some of you imagine. But it is indeed #myglamorouslife
I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What happened was that there was a possum on the front porch last nite when I opened the door to take the dogs out. For all of you who labor under the delusion that possums can't be any kind of threat because they move too slow... I'm hear to tell you that when properly motivated possums can be faster than a greased iguana.
Kai was faster. So was Zander.
Then there was this horrible varmint tug o'war. I thought the possum was dead. So I told the dogs to drop it. It wasn't dead yet.
"GET IT!" I screamed and jumped back.
They did. But fearing that Zander and Kai might actually get into a real fight over that possumy prize, I made them drop it and leave it for good. They did.
I thought Possum had expired...but you never know for sure. He mighta been twitching a little so technically the possum was "mostly" dead when we went in. I didn't want to wake up The Big Man to shoot it....so I just let 'might be faking it' possums lay.
Kai was mad and she wanted her possum back. I gave everyone treats...but Kai was still mad.
In the morning - after finding my prize money - I went out and shoveled that narsty thing into a bag and put it in a locking trash can. It wasn't faking it.
Now I've got $20 whole dollars burning a hole right in my pocket. I'm overjoyed. Just about anything can happen now. In fact, I'm so happy I've written a haiku about the whole thing.
You know that I like to to slam poetry ...and rap.... lot's of rapping.... But today this requires the refinement of the haiku.
I call this. "He's not faking it."
Possum! On the porch!
Get it! Leave it! No - GET IT!
He's not faking it
Happy Tuesday everyone! Did you have a possum on the porch? Did you get $20?